It's been quite a long time since my last post, but it turns out that I'm still here :P. A lot has been going on! For one, I've moved into college (and will probably draft up a reflection about the experience). But today's post is a satirical one inspired my college transition (and styled a little bit like The Onion due to my obsession with the faux news outlet). I'll be sharing 10 tips to make new friends in college (again, not to be taken seriously since this is all in good fun). Enjoy :).
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College is all about change: moving into an entirely new room, starting difficult classes, acclimating yourself to interesting weather conditions, and adjusting to a new diet are only the tip of the iceberg. Friends can alleviate your stress—if only the process of meeting people wasn't so stressful! Fear not, the following tips will get you popular in no time.
1. "Accidentally" drop your pencil in front of someone. If they pick it up for you, introduce yourself to such a kind soul. If they don't pick it up, pick it up, jab them for being mean, and then introduce yourself.
2. Follow someone around campus and say things like "wow we have a lot of classes in common" until they ask to see your schedule and realize you're not even supposed to be in half their classes.
3. Ask the TA so many questions during office hours that they become your best friend since they're the only person you spend with.
4. Sit in front of people's dorm rooms doing homework until they ask you to move, and then coerce them to join you. As an alternate solution, do your homework in the lounge area and yell at people to join you. No one will refuse because everyone has homework to do and you seem like such a likable person.
5. Adopt a Komodo dragon. When someone comes to kick you out for violating dorm room pet policies, you can talk to them! Pro tip: if a Komodo dragon is inaccessible, narwhals, pythons, and elephants work too.
6. When you're in the shower and realize that people can hear you through the linked vents, play music with a speaker and try to convince people that you actually sound just like the singer in the video you're playing. They'll be very impressed.
7. Pose like one of the statues around campus and stand still for a few hours. Wait until someone comes up and tries to take a picture with you because you're so lifelike.
8. If you tell a joke and people don't laugh, make sure they don't leave until you get a laugh out of them.
9. Brush your hair and maintain basic hygiene. Apparently, people like it when you smell with your nose rather than like a nose.
10. Just immerse yourself within the never-ending deadlines and problem sets. Who needs friends? Only the weak crave a work-life balance.
How many of these have you tried?
